❤ “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.” ❤
~Family, Friends and Community = Quality of a ‘Good Life’~
“It is not enough simply to know the faces or the names of your neighbors, baristas, or colleagues. We must endeavor to connect and bond with others. Intimate relationships are the glue that often keeps us – or our worlds – from falling apart.”
“We must engage actively in the world around us to enjoy all of the fruits it has to offer. Sure, there may be some “freebies” along the way, but to reap the sweetest rewards, we must invest some hard work. Moreover, relationships – even good ones – require a fair amount of that work.”
6 Essential Traits of Healthy Intimate Relationships
❤ “A good life is built with good relationships.” ❤
10 ways to create a truly happy in your relationship:
1. Use relationships to teach you how to be whole within.
Relationships aren’t about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “one,” you learn as Rainer Maria Rilke says, to love the distances in relationship as much as the togetherness.
2. See your partner/people for who they really are.
The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them. When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner/friends, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.
3. Be willing to learn from each other.
The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.
4. Get comfortable being alone.
In order to accept that love can’t rescue you from being alone, learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.
5. Look closely at why a fight may begin.
Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting—and likely will fight far less.
6. Own who you are.
We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re yearning for something that is out of reach, something in another person that we don’t think we possess in ourselves. Unfortunately, when we finally get love, we discover that we didn’t get what we were looking for.
True love only exists by loving yourself first. You can only get from another person what you’re willing to give yourself.
7. Embrace ordinariness.
After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it. The trick is to see that ordinariness can become the real “juice” of intimacy. The day-to-day loveliness of sharing life with a partner can, and does, become extraordinary.
8. Expand your heart.
One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you.
It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.
9. Focus on giving love.
Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; it’s more about how well we have loved ourselves and others. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.
10. Let go of expectations.
You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else.
Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.
These are only a few ways to explore real intimacy. How do you create a loving connection in your relationship?
“Every relationship is only as good as the people within it. Relationships between people are the main determining factor in the overall quality of their commonly shared reality.
The importance of quality relationships cuts across all barriers, real or perceived. In fact, the better the quality of the relationship, the fewer barriers there are with which to contend. Quality relationships are based upon seven principles.”
The POWER of 7!
I accept people for who they are, including myself. I consider all people to be unique and accept that as a positive, rather than a source of frustration.
I treat all people, including myself, with respect on an adult level. I do not resort to childish or emotional games. I do not manipulate myself or others. I respect others’ right to be who and what they are and do not try to change them.
I have a clear understanding of myself and others. I make every attempt to appreciate and understand the differences that go into making each individual unique and special.
I am open and honest. I feel free enough to speak and act in a manner that is consistent with what I feel and believe. I do not put on airs or try to be anything other than the best “me” I can be. I allow and encourage others to be themselves and promote a feeling of openness in all my dealings with them. I do not permit my predisposition, prejudgment or prejudices to stand in the way of open and harmonious relationships.
I do not judge myself or others. I accept and practice the belief that we are all different and unique. I approach others with the attitude that there are more dimensions to a given situation than simply “right” or “wrong.” I expect and embrace these differences of perception as opportunities to learn.
I am self-empowered. I have the conviction of my beliefs. I do not need or seek external strokes to determine my feelings or attitude. I also empower all those with whom I come into contact, respecting their individuality and encouraging their input. I am willing to admit I do not have all the answers.
I operate from a fundamental basis of honesty. This value permeates everything I do or say. I am honest with others and expect others to be honest with me. I proactively promote an environment which invites open discussion, differing points of view, and have faith in the abilities and judgment of others, even when I sometimes do not agree. I maintain confidentiality when others confide in me.
Developing effective relationships is the key to personal and organizational success. There is a lot of truth in the old adage “it not what you know but who you know.” The seven principles mentioned above will facilitate the process of developing quality relationships.
Other sites to support quality and healthy relationships: