Battling Addiction #104

“We MUST remain humble to keep the wisdom flowing within the vessel, for the mind (itself) knows nothing if the heart is hard (of feeling/hearing).”



Words of a son caught in a battle…

“If I disliked something it would be myself intoxicated, deranged, and hopeless.  All alcohol does for me is makes me emotionless, confused, or angry and spiritually blocked from reality in the sense of knowing myself intentionally and intuitively.

Self-will to not drink and willpower to sustain sobriety is with the same hand.  If one is so set on remaining sober one mustn’t need a sponsor; just to remain in contact with higher power (Jesus Christ of Nazareth), and to maintain a healthy relationship with self soberly.  If I drink I realize I become negative and not comfortable with my ways.  I am a sensitive person and respect all forms of life; but if I drink I’ll become that alcoholic that is senseless and demoralizing to self and all life (I won’t feel like I want to live, and I’ll find myself thinking of possibilities of death).”

To embrace all of the light or spirit I must face the darkness with a sound mind, ‘Sober mind’ to find that perfect balance in which to live, and think/feel.


Alcohol is a poison; will wear and tear the mind, corrupting the vessel and body from the source of light: The Creator.  The more we drink, the more we become discontent, dishonest, unforgiving, angry and miserable (this may not be the case for some).

Maybe it’ll give false hope or honesty for awhile; but after long use it can even corrupt the wisest or most brilliant man to convince him he is his own god or that his fleshly existence is all of his own will, and nothing else IS.

Alcohol, just as marijuana, will only be a temporary crutch or feeling, while we only need essential food and water to live.  Why poison self over and over expecting a different result?  This is insanity and obsessing over the same mistakes is making us feel as if we are stuck and that there is no way out.  We need a sober mind so we can grow and so we can always evaluate ourselves in a respectful manner, and for change and prospective.  We need God’s insights and wisdom to daily reflect on His will.

The importance at our higher power is to know we don’t have the answers, and that we shall always know God has a plan for us, each and individually.

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim You — who walk in the light of Your presence, O’Lord.

Blessed are those who rejoice and believe there is a way of the Father, that is all forgiving and most righteous, most magnificent, MOST LOVING~  ❤

Personal Story

I grew up a Christian since my mother turned to God far before my birth.  I believed I was saved, and secured in the name of the Lord at birth.  Smoked weed at an early age and drank  my first drink around 14.  It taught me a lot about the world and I always had more questions and was more inquisitive while high.  I just wish I was finished with my education before I started experimenting.  I couldn’t done better in school or gotten a degree in college.  Shrooms and marijuana helped awaken me more into my spirituality and the more I started losing focus on everything else from there.  I was always the outcast , never seemed to fit into a particular group in school, nor did I care.  All I started to focus on was finding the reason why we were living (why life was possible/and how).

I loved being philosophical and thinking for myself.  Tesla and Einstein were onto something and I needed to contribute to the world by thinking the way I did.

And so now I’m 23 in physical (form) age, but feel 87 in maturity to the old timers; that have very simple, yet very complicated principles they live by.   (Staying open-minded and just smile, have a laugh).

Being at peace with everything and content; humble continues to be a goal of mine.   If I’m at peace, there won’t be worry or stress that will hold me back; this is why service work makes sense to me.  Helping others I become a better person, more carrying and freeing.

(If I become truly at peace all other goals then can easily be met through this lesson.)

My Spirituality (My understanding)….

Spirituality to me is sort of like fishing, takes patience…takes practice…sometimes it takes the right place or spot to find yourself able to reflect in the silence of noise.  To be able to be still mentally and physically in the mind long enough to let the heart express itself.  Like a pole (with its line) in the water wanting for a fish to tug; sometimes we must practice to silence the mind long enough to feel the vast roaring ocean of emotions of life essence that forms who we are.

The consciousness of our essence is pure light, and mankind has journeyed afar from its roots.  We are light and that light is unconditional love, within a fleshy body that will only grow old and weak.  The soul grows old and sweet like a ripening fruit, but the riper the fruit the less it seems appealing, however the sweeter it is when eaten.  The soul can’t/doesn’t die like the physical shell/vessel, it only experiences and transforms…transcends~

If I want healthy relationships with others, I must acquire a healthy relationship within myself.



Creativity to Me…

Is an art of healing, an art of BE-ing.  Alike unconditional love, you can practice being creative in unique ways to bring out your inner essence.  For me, being able to be expressive and reflective into writing music, gives me a joy I greatly appreciate.  (I’d like to say I’m deeply in search and understanding of the wisdoms of God), music is key.

For us to unlock our true potential within ourselves we must learn to love and appreciate ALL walks of life, and humble the heart/mind of any hatred or unfairness.

“Music is the sound of the soul, for we are vibration, and all that is; purely vibration of different frequencies of light and dark, yin and yang.”




I don’t believe I have a problem with alcohol, I believe I have a problem with myself, with society and my self-esteem.  I’ve gone many years smoking marijuana daily and for some time it was a strong habit.  Smoking to influence my music creativity and smoking just for the effects (clarity, insight, laziness, uphoria).  I’ve always felt more spiritually connected with nature and with God after smoking; I don’t need marijuana for these things, but it was a tool for a long time.  I need to be content and stay humble (totally sober so my connection to spirit will be more pure and natural).  Alcohol dimmed this connection and over time totally blocked it out.

“A man that is wise is a man of God; but his own ways will lead him astray and self-righteous.”

“Willpower is restored by God we just need to keep our eyes open and ears listening to the ‘heart of Him.'”


My hope and self willingness to stay sober remains strong in the Name of the Lord.  I feel reborn and new walking the path of God.  I am not looking for anything else, but unconditional love and acceptance of self.  Constantly I observe my thoughts and ask my heart if this is truly me or the temptations of the enemy (for as light reflects a shadow that is not always see).  We mustn’t turn our back on the most high expecting Him to give us visions or clarity, only a fool believes His ways are godly.  A man who confesses his sins and repents his wrong doings to God is a man practicing to become wise.  For God loves his children that seek Him and bless them with the love of wisdom and grants them understanding.

“Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.”

“Love vs. Fear”




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