Outcast #119

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“This is a FOREVER journey with this creative, funny, highly intelligent, aggressive, impulsive, nonsocial, behavioral, oftentimes loving individual. The nurse said to me after 6 hours with him ‘He is a gift’ INDEED he is.”
~Janet Frenchette Held, Parent

 

The other day I had the opportunity to listen to an individual discuss that a man she had a child with (along with many other women), fathered a girl who is around 7 years old and was not talking yet.  She considered it was due to autism, because none of the other (9 or 10) children had this ‘problem.’

 

It’s moments such as these that I have to be careful to not speak right away.  There could be many reasons as to why this girl is not communicating.  Instead of taking her words as a ‘jab,’ I created some other possibilities and then chose to direct our conversation elsewhere.

Ignorance is something we’ve all been guilty of.  What we can take away from these incidences, is knowledge – ironic, isn’t it?

Since my son’s diagnosis 20 some years ago, information about autism has BOOMED, however there still needs to be more done.  There continues to be a negative connotation surrounding autism, and in order for people to embrace it differently, those who understand it need to spread the power of it.

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His dad and I (along with grandparents) fought for years during his education to get the support and understanding he needed.  Many times we were told by school officials that they knew what’s best for him, but it was clear from the mistreatment, and significant negligence, they did not.  We didn’t realize how brutal they had been until our other older children were his voice.  He was singled out from celebrations, recess, and other events because of behavior and medical issues.

“Behavior is communication. Change the environment and behaviors will change.” ~Lana David

Many times kids don’t understand themselves what’s going on inside, let alone how to deal with their developing emotions.  He was tagged as a misfit, and an outcast.  It’s difficult to learn when you’re isolated from schooling and other significant positive childhood experiences.

Outcast

Woke up in the cell, where am I at?
Yeah, it’s cold, but I like that
What, am I trapped?
Heart’s beating out of my chest
Door’s locked, but the keys are in my hands
Hm, yeah, that’s weird, it doesn’t make sense, does it?
I make songs, I don’t make friends, judge me
Might smile, but it ain’t that funny
Sing along to the pain, they love it
Life’s like a merry-go-round
And I’m still tryna figure it out
I like space I don’t fit in the crowds
My whole life I’ve been airin’ it out
Oh, I’m gettin’ into character now
Feels wrong, but it feels right
My feelings seal tight real nice
But I will fight anything to win
But I’m not Mike Tyson, I won’t bite ya’
But I will tell you if I don’t like you
I am not the norm
I got my own shoes, I ain’t tryna fit in yours
I ain’t never been married, but I’ve felt divorced
Hi, I’m Nate, have we met before
Somebody told you I was wack? Check the source
Somebody told you I was back? Yes, of course
You got a problem with the fans? There’s the door
You lookin’ for the old me? Check the morgue, ah
Not a fortune-teller, but I can see into the future better
Ain’t no tellin’ what’ll happen when I pick up the microphone, get the fans together
Same style, but the songs are better
Been a year and a half, feels like it’s gone forever
Ain’t no drink in my hand, but you know the buzz is comin’
Big steps in the game, yeah, the Hulk is running
My thoughts are funny, feels like I’m on to something, yeah
I’m high off the music, my head’s in the clouds
I kinda like it up here, I am not comin’ down
I’d rather be alone, I am not good in crowds
Which is kinda confusin’, I’ve not been that way since I was a child
They laughin’, they tell me I’ll never get out
I’m just tryna be me, I am nobody else
I don’t care what you think, I’m just bein’ myself
So I guess for now
I’ll just be the outcast
I’ll just be the outcast
I’ll just be the outcast
I guess I’ll be the outcast
Yeah, I guess I don’t fit the mold of rap
‘Cause I’m respectin’ women
“I heard your record, I was laughin at it”
Maybe they would like me more if I got a little graphic with it
Nah, I don’t wanna blend in with you little rappin’ idiots, I’d rather be the outcast
I ain’t never puttin’ out trash
I take a hundred and staple it right to my tongue
I always put the money where my mouth’s at, ah
Feels good to be here now
I’m a weird person with a weird crowd
What, you don’t like that?
That’s cool, that’s great, that’s fine, okay, you can leave now
Got a weird smile, but I like it though
I paint it on me and I’m walkin’ to the microphone
And put the caution tape around me like I did in Intro I, yeah
Yeah, they got me reminiscin’ now!
You done know I’m ’bout to go mad
Never wanted something so bad
Goosebumps through the whole track
Ain’t no way I’m gonna hold back
Got me thinkin’ that I’m cookin’ in a meth lab
I don’t blow it up in front of my own eyes
You look a little lost, you ain’t get that?
Comin’ from a town where nobody hears a rap like this
I never get the memo, must’ve missed that
Wow
Here I go in my feelings again, I can feel it again
So I lay in my bed, in my cell with the pen
And I dwell on my sins, I keep wonderin’ when
Time to open the the doors, they don’t know who I am
But I pick up the keys and I put on my Timbs
And I stare at the locks and the tat on my skin
And I think to myself, “I don’t wanna fit in”
I’m high off the music, my head’s in the clouds
I kinda like it up here, I am not comin’ down
I’d rather be alone, I am not good in crowds
Which is kinda confusin’, I’ve not been that way since I was a child
They laughin’, they tell me I’ll never get out
I’m just tryna be me, I am nobody else
I don’t care what you think, I’m just bein’ myself
So I guess for now
Yeah, I’ll just be the outcast
I‘ll just be the outcast
I’ll just be the outcast
I guess I’ll be the outcast
Yeah, tryna focus
Take a knife to my head then I cut it open
Take my brain, put it on the floor tryna figure out my motives
Y’all thought I was an issue when the door was locked
Nah, you should see me when the door opens
Every night I can hear voices
Put a camera in my face, might turn Joker like I’m Mike Posner
Always been a little complex
Difficult to process
Some of y’all wanna sit around and try to pick apart my bars
Here’s some lines you could dissect
If I’ma die, I’ma die givin’ everything that I have
Take a deep breath, I don’t need y’all’s respect
I’m a reject kid at recess playin’ games with his make-believe friends
Yeah, I don’t ever take a night off
Lights off in the room and I write songs
I might fall into my thoughts once in a while when the mic’s off
You ain’t ever seen no drive like mine, better hop outta my car
I’m about to unlock my doors
You ain’t got a seat belt on, better find one
Gettin’ sick of people tellin’ me to smile more
T.S. was a chapter I’ll never forget, it was therapy for me
But it’s time to turn the page now
Hey, shut up! I’m tryna tell ’em my story!
I’m sorry, I wasn’t yellin’ at y’all, I was talkin’ to the voices
I rip out the drums of the industry’s ears for tryin’ to ignore me
And playin’ while singin’ this chorus
I’ll just be the outcast
I’ll just be the outcast
I’ll just be the outcast
I guess I’ll be the outcast
I’ll just be the outcast
I’ll just be the outcast
I’ll just be the outcast
I guess I’ll be the outcast
Songwriters: Nate Feuerstein / Tommee Profitt
Outcast lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

camillepissarro1

 

 

 

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“This is the key to life: To expect everything to be given to you from above, yet to be genuinely surprised and forever grateful, when they are. Expecting all good things to be yours, while not knowing how to take anything for granted. If there may be a key in life, this is the key.”
C. JoyBell C.

 

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